Oxymoron

I must get back to my writing ways. I used to write some stories in
the past, but nowadays I do not have the urge to write stories. But,
when I see the topics in the INK IT contest, I feel like writing
something. To write a story, I need a title. Once I get a title, I can
weave a story around it. I am still trying to get a title based on
this week’s topic. Is there someone who could help me out?

Thomas Uncle!!! He is my savior. Whenever there is some problem, I
look-up to him and he helps me.

Thomas uncle is my neighbor from time immemorial. I have grown-up
seeing him. He is one of those rare human beings whom I respect. He
has an aura around him and in the past two decades I have never seen
him being sad. He is the most cheerful person I have ever met. Other
than being in the same street, there is nothing in common between us.
He is 62 and I am 26. He is smart and I am dumb. He is always cheerful
and I am always gloomy. But, everyone in the colony lookup to him for
his advises. He always shares his wisdom with us.

He explains about the 1965 India-Pakistan war and Pele’s debut
world-cup match with the same enthusiasm. He speaks about the release
of the Dev Anand starrer “Guide” with the same emotion as he speaks
about the Anti-Hindi riots. He also enjoys the IPL just as I do. He is
the walking encyclopedia of our colony. He is not a nerd but someone
who has the charisma of the Superstar and the talent of the Master
Blaster. There is never a dull moment when Thomas uncle is around.

He had invested in the Reliance IPO in the 70s and the Infosys IPO in
the 90s and has reaped the benefits. But, he is not one of those
filthy rich people who have all his money with themselves. He helps a
lot of people in the town and is even planning to adopt a village in
the future. He runs a gym in the neighborhood and earns a handsome
amount from that as well. He is really enjoying his life after
retirement.

As expected, he has a lot of friends. They come to his house and chat
with him for long hours. He spends the evening in the park sharing his
wits. I wish I could atleast become half as good as Thomas Uncle in
the future.

Amidst all this, there is one thing which pricks me the most about
him. I always wanted to ask about that to Uncle. I remember him
telling the “Sermon on the mount” by heart. Being a God fearing man,
he knows that God had told, “It is not good for man to be alone”. But,
he is alone for the whole of his life. For a smart and charismatic man
like him, getting married shouldn’t have been a problem. After all,
everyone in India gets married. I should ask him about this.
Goodness gracious me, Thomas uncle is sitting in the balcony all
alone. I must use this situation and ask him about his past.

“Uncle…”
“Ah!! Come on my boy… How are you doing?”
“I am fine uncle… Finished your evening walk?”
“Yes Beta…. You look quizzical. What is the story?” He giggled…
Man, this guy is awesome. He is finding out my thoughts just by my
looks. How I wish that my PM and parents were this smart…
“Nothing uncle…” I hesitated…
“Come On dear!!! I am sure that you want to ask me something!!! Go
ahead… Shoot your questions!!”, he laughed..
Though he is friendly, I am slightly worried about asking such
personal questions, but again what do I have to lose. Let me ask him
once…
“Uncle… Why are you single?” I gathered my courage and muttered
looking at the ground.
He looked at me with his piercing eyes but I desperately wanted to avoid
eye-contact.
“This is the first time in the last 15 years that someone is asking me
about this”
He paused for a bit and continued.
“It is a long story beta”
“I have all the time in the world uncle” I winked…
“I was very choosy when I was young and I rejected a lot of proposals
even before visiting those girls. After a couple of years of the bride
search, my parents took me to a girl’s house. The girl was really
pretty”
“When was this uncle?” I interrupted.
“It was in 1975 son... I liked the girl and told my parents that I
wanted to talk with her. They were furious on hearing this. But, they
did talk to her parents and allowed us to talk”. He had some water and
continued.
“I asked her if she was comfortable and told her that I wanted to ask
her a couple of questions”
“Ah...Interviewing the poor girl? This is too much Uncle...”
He gave a wary smile and continued.
“I asked her, who the Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu was. She paused for
a bit and replied Indira Gandhi...”
I literally fell of the chair laughing, but controlled it to an extent
and sharpened my ears.
“Did you ask her the second question Uncle?”
“Hmm… I did. I asked her, If 2 people can dig a 2 meter deep well in 2
hours, how much time will it take for 4 people to do the same job” he
paused and had some water.
“She replied correctly?” I was very curious to know her response.
“She started to cry and her parents came running into the room. They
were looking at me as if I had abused their daughter. Even my parents
did not understand me. They started to scold me. I got fed-up and
walked out.”
“What happened after that uncle?”
“We had a big fight at home. My Dad was furious that I had bullied a
poor girl and was scolding me like anything. He asked me, if I had any
mental problem. I told him that all I need is a smart girl to marry.”
“What did your Dad reply, Uncle?”
“He said, he was fed-up of me and asked me to find my life-partner all
by myself. I replied that I will take care of my life. ” His tone had
suddenly subdued.
“All I wanted was a smart girl to marry, smart girl…but Alas…”
“Smart Girl” I repeated quietly. I will participate in this week’s INK
IT contest.

TENdulkar - The Even(T) Man

Pre script: This is slightly unconventional but some serious thought has gone behind this article. Hope you guys like this.

One of Tendulkar’s successful years in Cricket is 2010. He scored the first double century in One day internationals and also won the ICC Cricketer of the year for the first time. He also scored more than 1500 runs in 14 test matches captured the pinnacle of test cricket by completing his 50^th ton. Though, there are many theories which are attributed for his success in 2010, the primary reason is his name, he is 10dulkar and not some 11dulkar or 12dulkar. So, it was only natural for him to come good in 2010.

Had the BCCI, know this little secret, the ICC would have obliged to conduct the World Cup in 2010 and India would be the World Champions by now. Ok, let bygones be bygone's and let us talk about the future.

Since the World Cup is around the corner, this article will talk only about it. This is Tendulkar’s sixth world cup and it gives us some assurance that he is going to win the cup for the sake of the billion fans. No, this isn’t some tarot astrology, but a scientific analysis which proves that Tendulkar is going to win this World Cup. More of this later, but first, we need to look at Tendulkar’s performances in the past World Cups.

ODD Man Out

The World cup in England (in 1999) was his third World Cup. He had a torrid time off the field as he lost his father during the World Cup. He flew back to India and returned to join the squad and scored an unbeaten 100 against Kenya. That was it; he did not even score a half-century in the rest of the tournament. The Indians promptly packed their bags and returned home.

The World Cup in West Indies was a disaster, not only for Sachin but for billion supporters as well. India lost 2 of its 3 matches in the first round (Sachin scored 7 and 0) and was out of the tournament. This was Tendulkar’s 5^th World Cup.

From the above theories, we can conclude that Tendulkar doesn’t perform well in the ODD tournaments because he is Tendulkar and not 7dulkar or 11dulkar. Simply put, Tendulkar performs only in the EVEN tournaments because TEN (as in TENdulkar) is an even number.

The ZERO phenomenon

There is another head crunching number which haunts Tendulkar. The ZERO. Whenever Tendulkar gets our for a duck, the Indians pack their bags and leave. So, if Tendulkar gets out for a duck in any of the matches in the first round, we can be assured that the Indians aren’t going to proceed any further.

The Even Factors

In 1996, Tendulkar played his second World Cup. His first World Cup in the sub-continent and relished the occasion. Tendulkar scored more than 500 runs and finished as the leading run scorer. In the 7 matches, Tendulkar reached 3 figures twice and also had 3 half-centuries. Unfortunately, the Tendulkar juggernaut was stopped by the Lankan Lions in the semi-finals.

Tendulkar’s 4^th World Cup was played in South Africa. Tendulkar savored the occasion by scoring heavily. He surpassed his highest score in World Cup and also scored 6 half-centuries. He was the top scorer by a mile and finished the World Cup with close to 700 runs. But, this was again a case of so near yet so far for Tendulkar. It was the Aussies turn to stop the Indian steamroller. Tendulkar took India to the finals of the World Cup but could not clear the final hurdle. India lost the finals and the elite trophy still eludes Tendulkar.

Third time lucky?

This is Tendulkar’s 6^th World Cup and if the even parity is taken into account, we can conclude that he would certainly take the team one step further. So, in the 1996 WC it was the semi finals , in 2003 it was the finals and now he would lead the team to the much awaited World Cup victory. From the above analysis, it is quite obvious that Tendulkar is going to be the top scorer and India is going to win the World Cup.

Post Script: if you think, why his first WC isn’t taken into account, I belong to the ancient Greek school of thought that “1” is neither odd nor even :P